Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. --Anonymous
Happy New Year, everyone! Here is to hoping that 2010 brings us happiness, peace, and great health.
I found the above quote when I was looking up New Year's Resolutions today. It made me chuckle but I have thought of it all day and it also sort of scares me that it might be true.
As I reflect on 2009 and the fact that I have not written in this blog since Nov. 8th, I find myself conflicted with many varying emotions. On the one hand, I am proud of the things I accomplished in '09: I started the process of buying my first home(I close on it next week), I lost *some* weight and accomplished my goal of running 30 minutes straight, I got promoted at my job, and I started a serious relationship. I also traveled more than I had in years and started writing this blog; which was something I had always wanted to do.
But then as this new year has begun, I also see what I probably shouldn't refer to as my failings, but rather, my "incompletes." I realize now that I have a chronic case of starting things and never finishing. The moment I begin to make progress, I find ways to self-sabotage. It is why I still have not conquered my clutter habit because I start cleaning one area, move the crap from that area to another and then start manufacturing more piles of crap. It is also why I lost 20 lbs last year, but now have gained almost 10 lbs of it back(I was 234 lbs when I weighed earlier this week), it is why I not only stopped running, but stopped going to zumba and quelle horreur!, stopped going to my beloved kickboxing class. I suppose I would be more depressed, disappointed, etc, about it if I wasn't so busy, preoccupied, and frankly TIRED.
But it is for these same reasons that the desire to get back on track keeps haunting me. Inevitably, whether one chooses to make resolutions or not, we all tend to want to do better whenever a new year begins. I want 2010 to be the year I conquer my demons, but I have wanted that every new year. The only difference is that I actually did get a headstart last year. I know now that it can be done but I have to do it! I know how to lose weight, I have the tools to organize my life, and know where to find the support I need, so there are no excuses.
I have been on a spiritually enlightening path over the past couple of months. I believe the home-buying process evoked in me a need for faith and perseverance because there have been quite a few hurdles and some disappointments, but for the first time in a very long time, with each disappointment, with each hurdle, I would take a deep breath, pause and keep up the work I knew I needed to get it done. I have decided to use that as a map for my year because it quite simply works!
There are a lot of ideas I'm toying with as far as getting a plan in order to help me accomplish my goals, but first I have to define those goals. I have decided to type them up in nice font and frame them like poetry and place the frame in a place where I can see it daily. I have also agreed to create a vision board with a coworker(more on this later) of all I want to see manifested this year.
I know now that I need some sort of support. Attempting to do this alone is incredibly hard. When our Weight Watchers class ended before thanksgiving, I thought I could lose weight on my ow; instead I gained 6lbs! I couldn't seem to stop eating and didn't have any one but myself to be accountable too and that just didn't work. I am both the good angel and bad angel on my shoulder and the bad angel is usually more persuasive.
I don't know what 2010 will bring. None of us could have predicted some of the things 2009 brought, but with a lot of hardwork and effort and Divine Intervention, I know I can end 2010 on a better note than I am starting it.
Stay Tuned and Bon Année everyone!
P.S What are YOUR resolutions?
XoXo,
Lara.
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